Hey, has anyone else had a problem keeping their brain matter from oozing out of their ears and nose over the past few days as your body suffers a physical response to the demise of American democracy as we know it? Anyone?
Hello all, are you tired? I am TIRED. Justice is a difficult road and some people just will not let me have a moment of rest. And yet, here I stand—like Lady Justice, except I also covered my ears because I really can’t listen to all this nonsense either.
Though I love my job as the overseer of this high and judicious court, I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been considering a career change. I’ve been playing with the idea of swapping out this seat for one in another court. A court with a jurisdiction over, say, a few members of Congress so I can one day have the joy of…
Apropos of absolutely nothing, I’ve been having an extremely frustrating denim experience. I recently ordered a new pair of jeans in the same size and cut that I’ve purchased three previous times. When they arrived, the jeans didn’t fit. I returned them and reordered another pair. Then I ordered a second pair and…
You have my advanced apologies this week for including so many images of terrible men who look like infected stubbed toes. Not a lot I can do about that.
Hopefully everyone who read Shade Court last week is still alive and back again today. If that’s the case, it’s good news because it signifies A) we haven’t been bombed into a nuclear holocaust by North Korea and B) I don’t want to tempt fate by bragging about any additional good news so let’s just stop there.
Citizens, let me remind you that even your own Judge Brown is not immune to her civic duties. I spent the morning at jury duty unable to try these important shade cases until later than usual. But I have returned and am back to slowly cranking this equally important wheel of justice.
A new month is upon is, I can almost smell the warm summer air and yet for some reason, retailers are trying to sell me velvet sundresses. Now that we’re on the subject of ridiculous things, let’s go to court.
It’s amazing what a nice meal and witnessing the most humiliating moment of Paul Ryan’s life can do for your spirit. Today is a good day and I’m ready for some shade justice.
I haven’t checked, but I’m almost certain Shade Court is the only branch of government still standing. If that’s the case, hi, I’m in charge now. This is the new national anthem, healthcare is free, I’ve sent Paul Ryan to Cuba and jalapeño poppers can now be used as currency. This is Judge Brown’s America.
Well folks, we made it to another Friday. As usual, it felt like it took approximately four-and-a-half months to get here but here we are, nonetheless.
I have a head cold and a racist Keebler elf crossbred with a lying troll is still the Attorney General of the United States. HOW’S YOUR WEEK BEEN?
Some days I look at the young, fresh-faced, curmudgeonly child in the photo above and wonder: how is it possible that she is now 367 years old? Then I remember Donald Trump is president and people still don’t know how to use shade correctly. Life is long and it’s even longer when everybody has lost their goddamn mind.
First of all, a huge shout out to all the non-Trump related shade sent to me this week. Communication is the most important part of any relationship; you guys listened, and I thank you for that.
That’s right! The best part of OUR Wednesdays is back with an all new episode of DirtCast, the podcast in which Bobby and yours truly break down the best celebrity gossip of the week with an “inside baseball” approach. Or so we’ve been told—neither of us knows what “baseball” is.
It’s starting to feel like this has turned into one giant Donald Trump shade column and I hate hate hate it. I understand that, to some extent, this cannot be avoided. He is an extremely disliked man and instead of blood, he survives off of the pumping of media attention through his veins.
Does anyone else need a drink? Goddamn. Let’s do this.
Today is a very bad and extremely sad day.
Welcome to the first Shade Court of 2017, the final year of American democracy and the year I finally own more than four coffee mugs.